-Breastfeeding somewhere public and forgetting to tuck everything back in and close up my shirt
-Losing my grip on the stroller and watching it pick up speed down a steep hill and I can't catch up to it
-My baby having a huge diaper blow out and I forgot to pack extra clothes, or worse, no diapers!
-Packing up the car and leaving the car seat (with baby in it) in the driveway, along with my coffee. (the coffee part I've done before)
-My baby somehow figuring out how to unbuckle herself from her car seat. She just figured out how to get her thumb in her mouth, but somehow I'm still terrified that I will look in my rear view mirror and see her climbing out and reaching for the door handle.
-Her first words are something stupid like "selfie" or "#wheresmybinky"
-She's going to grow up with a poor sense of distance and space because she thinks her Auntie Sophia and Auntie Kelsey live in Daddy's iPad. We Skype with them often because they live waaaay too far away! (Hint, hint. Move to NY!! I'm trying to work the guilt trip angle here! Is it working yet?)
-She will start teething on one of the dog's toys. Ok, this one is not that irrational because it might actually happen. Some of the dog's toys closely resemble baby teething toys! If there weren't massive teeth marks in some of them, would you be able to tell which ones are for the dog and which ones are for the baby?
(answers below)
Some more fears:
-I'll hear strange voices from her baby monitor at night, like in those Paranormal Activity movies
-I'll see my baby being slowly dragged across her crib by an invisible force through the baby monitor, also like those Paranormal Activity movies (I really have to stop watching those movies)
-She'll have my husband's alien toes. Seriously. His second toe is like an inch longer than the rest (I exaggerate a bit). He knows how I feel about them.
-She'll inherit my awful memory. My husband gets so annoyed when we scroll through Netflix and I pick a movie and he has to break the news to me that we already watched it... just last weekend. Then after trying to convince him that no, we haven't seen it, and that he must be mistaking me for a previous girlfriend that he watched it with. I think I would remember watching Sharknado, duh. We play the movie and 10 minutes in, I admit, "Oh, yeah. This looks familiar. I think we've seen it already."
-She won't have good manners
-She'll hate Math (it's my favorite subject to do AND teach!)
-She'll also hate Reading. Is there anything worse than a teacher who can't even teach her own child to love reading? Don't try to defend me on this one, I would judge myself!
-We'll be at a nice restaurant, or a wedding ceremony, or the library, or an elevator and baby girl will let out one of her adorably loud farts and everyone will think it's me (another one that is not really irrational. It's only a matter of time before this happens for real)
-She will fart like that forever
This is just an abridged version of the list of things that keep me up at night sometimes. Call me crazy, call me irrational, call me neurotic, or whatever. Maybe my brain subconsciously focuses on these ridiculous scenarios to avoid the real heavy stuff I'll have to worry about in the future like puberty, dating, driving, and college... Oh my god, my head hurts already! Someone get me a Valium, STAT!
(Dog Toys: 1, 4, 9, 10; Baby Toys: 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, 8)
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