Please Don't Make Me Do Math

Hi! My name is Andrea. I am married and have 1 baby girl and 1 dog. I teach 4th grade, and I am 1,615 weeks old.

Sounds stupid, right?

You are correct. It does sound stupid. Because it is stupid. Why do some mothers insist on using weeks when asked how old their child is? I mean, it's ok if your child is 3 months old or younger, but beyond that is just stupid.

"She's 28 weeks old."
 No she's not. She's 7 months.

"He's 78 weeks old."
No he's not. He's a year and a half. I'll even accept 18 months (but don't get carried away with months either!).

I actually met someone at Target who did this to me. I didn't get her name, but I'll call her Crazy because that's what she is. Here's how that encounter went:

Crazy: "What a sweet baby! How old is she?"
Me: "Thank you! She's 9 weeks. How old is this little guy?" referring to the adorable little boy in her shopping cart, joyfully tossing out items when mommy wasn't looking.
Crazy: "Oh, he's 31 months."
Me: "duhhhhhhh... Well, he's adorable."

I teach 4th grade math, so I know how to count by 4's. But when I'm caught off guard in the middle of a casual conversation, it's gonna take me a minute to convert weeks to months or years and I'm gonna look like an idiotic mouth-breather as I blankly stare at you while I do the calculation. Or perhaps that's exactly why you do it. You like to watch people sweat when you give them a pop quiz they never saw coming.

Hmmm... That's pretty funny and I'm sure equally amusing... I might have to try this after all.

But if you don't want to be an ass hole when someone asks how old your little nugget is, here are a few basic rules to consider:

1. Weeks are ok up to 3 months
2. Months are ok up to 2 years
3. You may use weeks or months in your own head for as long as you want to make sure your little one remains your "baby" forever (I know I will!). But keep in mind that if you do this out loud, people will think you are psycho mom. No, like the actual mom from the movie Psycho. And they will be afraid that your child will grow up just as crazy, murder you, and keep your rotting corpse locked up in the attic.  And who wants that kind of reputation?

Bottom line, if I ask you how old your child is, I just want to make small talk about your adorable peanut. Or I want to secretly evaluate the behavior and social development of your little screamin' demon.  (What!? I can't help it! It's the behavior analyst in me!)  So please don't make me do math! (said the Teacher)