Last night was the first night the peanut slept in her crib and not in the bassinet at my side! I am happy to report that we all made it through the night! There were some tears and very little sleep, but other than that, I did just fine! Well, if you ask my husband, "just fine" might not be the phrase he would use to describe it. He did a great job coaching me through. I was like a 5 year old trying to come up with every excuse not to have to go to sleep in my own room. I would have been perfectly fine pulling out the sleeping bag and camping out next to her crib.
Me: "What if she needs me?"
Hubby: "She will cry and you'll hear her in the monitor."
Me: "But what if she needs me and just makes her little squeaky sounds?"
Hubby: "You will hear her in the monitor."
Me: "What if she wakes up and is scared because she doesn't know where she is?"
Hubby: "She takes naps in here, she is familiar with her room."
Me: "What if it's too dark?"
Hubby: "I'll go get the night light."
I nursed her in the rocking chair while Hubby read a bedtime story to her. Of course he chose the book On The Night You Were Born. He hadn't even finished the first page before the tears started rolling down my face. Looking down at her, I couldn't help but feel nostalgic about the night she was born. It was only 11 weeks ago, but it felt like just yesterday, and yet I can't even remember her being that tiny in my arms (if that makes any sense at all). I look at her and see how much bigger she is already! Her little legs dangle off my arm now and those tootsies can reach the arm of the chair. She is getting stronger too! She likes to kick those little chicken legs onto the arm of the rocking chair as if she is propelling herself off the wall of a swimming pool, which, if you can imagine, feels wonderful while breastfeeding. (In case you can't read sarcasm, it does NOT feel wonderful at all. But it's still kind of cute that she does it). And she is more independent. Well, as much as an infant can be. She grabs her toys, she can get her thumb in her mouth with about a 70% success rate, she latches on to breastfeed all by herself, she even grabs at my shirt when she's hungry and will hold onto my boob with both hands like a bottle (Sorry if that is TMI!), she sleeps through the night, and now she is sleeping in her crib like a big girl! I can't even take it!
After about 45 minutes of rocking her in my arms, I finally found the courage to lay her in her crib and walk out of her room, tears still streaming down my face, Hubby's hand on my shoulder escorting me out, telling me everything will be ok. I must have stared at the monitor for over an hour before finally falling asleep myself. My poor husband had to get up early for work the next morning and I kept him up late, making him take turns with me going in to check on her.
Me: "I can't hear her."
Hubby: "Thats because she's sleeping."
Me: "go check on her, please."
Hubby: "ok."
Me: "Put your hand on her chest and make sure she's still breathing."
Hubby: "ok."
This went on for about 30 minutes.
Me: "What if the sound isn't working on the monitor?"
Hubby: "The sound is fine. Get some sleep."
Me: "Go in there and whisper something so I can see if I can hear you."
Hubby: "ok..."
The sound check worked and I was running out of excuses to try to get my husband to give in any say "Let's just let her sleep in here for a few more months." But I knew I had to get through this. All of my mommy friends said they had their babies sleeping in their cribs by 2 months and here we are going on 3! But I just miss her so much when she's sleeping. I had to keep reminding myself that I'll see her in the morning when she starts to wiggle her little butt around and makes little grunting noises as she stretches and tries to wake up, letting out a little toot with every stretch. And when she opens her eyes for the first time, she gives me a big, gummy smile and squeezes my neck when I pick her up. That is something I look forward to every day.
I don't want to be a helicopter mom with the umbilical cord still attached when we help her move in to her college dorm room for the first time. Oh my god... College. I need to end this post now because I can feel the tears welling up again.
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