#1 vs. #2: It's a Tie! I Promise!

You know that Luvs commercial where they show the mother dousing everyone with hand sanitizer before they come near the baby for the first kid, then show her handing baby #2 over to a dirty mechanic? Everyone told me that would happen with a second child. And a third child? Forget it! Literally. A third child would just be forgotten all the time! I can kind of relate to that now. Kind of...

Don't get me wrong. I still want to douse everyone in hand sanitizer before they come near my baby, but as a second time mom, I'm definitely slacking in some areas. The baby books, for example. Baby #1 had a pregnancy journal (with monthly belly photos), first year calendar (with detailed accounts of each doctors visit), first year photo album, custom made month milestone signs for cute pictures (designed and drawn by me), and a billion other cute and crafty, straight out of Pinterest little memorabilia of her first year on this beautiful Earth. I had all intentions of being equally detailed in my documentation of my second baby's first 12 months, but as it turns out, ain't nobody got time for that!

Sorry, kiddo. Mommy did her best. She does have a pregnancy journal, but I was too sick to pose for belly photos. I was not feeling so cute this time around. And she does have a first year calendar. It's just not as detailed (thank goodness it comes with pre-printed stickers!) and I'm already a bit behind.

I just can't keep up with it all! But that doesn't mean I don't love her as much as my first born. Before she came, I thought it was impossible to love anyone else as much as I love my first born. I was genuinely worried that I wouldn't have enough love for another child, or that having a second child would somehow take some love away from the first. You know, like in Boss Baby. But I'm finding, just like every mother of 2+ that I know told me, this could not be farther from the truth.

Somehow, in the midst of all that pregnancy stuff, your heart really does grow bigger, stronger and deeper. Baby #2 had her first round of immunizations yesterday. I thought I would be calm and cool this time around, knowing what to expect. The nurse would give the shots, baby would cry, I'd scoop her up and save the day with a little nursing session and we'd be on our way! Oh no... As soon as I saw her eyes well up, mine did too. I cried right along with her. And I was just as angry at the nurse this time as I was the first time. My perfect tiny baby, who knows nothing but hugs, kisses, milk and naps just experienced real pain for the first time and you did this to her! You bitch!

Don't worry, I didn't go all psycho on the nurse. This was all going on in my head. But seriously, it pained me so deeply to see her that way. I never ever want her to feel pain. And if she has to, I want to absorb it all from her. This, of course, goes for both of my girls.

I know they will have no memory of their first immunizations, but I hope that somehow in that moment, I was able to show them that mommy will always be right there to comfort them. Both of them. I promise that even though I felt miserable during my second pregnancy, I went to bed every night thanking God for the chance to bear another child. I promise that even though baby #2's calendar might be missing a few notes, I cherish every moment just as much. I promise that there is more than enough love to share. And I promise that I will never EVER let a dirty mechanic hold either of them.

Time is of the Essence

I'm home during the week now that I'm on maternity leave and it's amazing how time just doesn't exist. I never know what day it is, what time it is, or even what month it is! And it's fucking awesome! Because it doesn't matter! This is my time to feed, burp, change diapers, snuggle, snuggle, snuggle, and snuggle. I'm just mom now. All my other hats can wait.

For how long, you ask? I don't know. I have no concept of time right now, remember? Seriously! Don't ask me what time it is. I have no idea. At least not in the numerical sense.  These days my time is measured by daytime television. If you want to make plans to meet up with me for brunch, don't be surprised if I respond with "I should be able to leave the house by the fourth hour" (shout out to KLG and Hoda!). It's not uncommon for me to mutter to myself, "Oh shit. Dr. Phil is on and I haven't even finished a load of laundry!"

Settle down. I'm not a total couch potato. But a good part of my day is spent breastfeeding on the couch, staring at my beautiful baby, with HGTV playing in the background.

Oh, HGTV. You bring me comfort and anxiety all at once.  Watching professionals upgrade a dated kitchen is so satisfying. But as I'm nestled in the coziest corner of my couch, feeding my baby or just letting her sleep on my chest, I can't help but look around the room and take mental note of all the projects I would like to see done in my own home. Like now. Because time doesn't exist to me.

Hmmm, I think I can probably paint this room in about 2 Fixer Uppers and a Property Brothers episode...

My husband is no longer phased when he comes home from work, asks me how my day was and I say something along the lines of "Great! See that wall over there? Is that load bearing? Let's knock it down. And paint this room. It would really make this room feel more open. I found a great deal on a new sectional too. What do you think about this side table I found on an online garage sale? I'm sure I can sand and repaint it if the color doesn't work. Right?"

And he so patiently says "Sure. Let me just get dinner started first."

That's why I love him! He just gets me.

Oh, wow. Look at the time! It's almost Love It or List It. Time for lunch!

P.S. The new sectional is being delivered on Thursday!!! 😁