Words of Wisdom... So They Say

As soon as the bump is even slightly visible, people can't help but offer advice and words of wisdom for the mom-to-be.  I totally get it now. Having been a mom for all of 6 1/2 weeks now, I just love telling other people about what I've learned and figured out along the way. Like the time I thought our daughter had some kind of kidney disease because her pee had a very strong smell, only to find out (thanks to my brilliant husband) that it was just the smell of the color-changing strip in her diaper that also emits an odor when wet... Mystery solved. Paranoia subsided (at least for now). In telling that story, maybe I've saved one of my mom-to-be friends the headache and stress that I went through prior to solving that mystery.  Or maybe they just think I'm crazy.

I'm sure moms out there have a million stories and tricks-of-the-trade that would really help a first-time mommy.  So then why do they always give the same piece of advice? Why do they all stick to "Sleep when the baby sleeps!"?  That gem of advice is total bullshit.  Did all veteran moms get together and decide to keep their real tricks top secret and let the new moms figure it out on their own? I can hear them now, "Let that bitch figure it out for herself. I had to!"

It's not impossible to sleep when the baby sleeps. I've done it quite a few times. A 1-2 hour nap in the middle of the day can be glorious. But guess what. When you wake up, the laundry is still sitting in the washer, dishes are still in the sink, dinner has not yet been started, and you haven't even taken a shower.  All of which still needs to get done no matter how tired you are. Only now you have to complete these tasks with one hand because you're holding a screaming baby in the other.

Fuck that. I'm going to break the silence and offer my two pieces of advice that I think will actually help a new mom.

#1 Don't read.
#2 Trust your instincts.

Let me explain, especially that first one. Being a teacher that one was even hard for me to type. What I mean is stop buying the parenting books and by all means stay away from online blogs (except this one of course). Don't ask Siri or a search engine how to raise your child or to diagnose a problem. It will only open a Pandora's box of other things to worry about, like the stinky pee story I told you about earlier.  Instead, go to the people you trust. I mean actual people.  People that you know, like your family and friends. Not Dr. Oz or Oprah. The people that know you well will know how to respond to your crazy, irrational new-mom concerns. They may even have some answers for you.

As for that second piece of advice, it's true you really do have motherly instincts. It wasn't until I started listening to those instincts that I started really feeling comfortable as a mother and things started to get a little easier.  We've gotten so used to turning to the Internet for answers that we've forgotten that we actually already have some of them.  It may take some trial and error, but go with what you feel in your gut is right for your child.

I'm still learning everyday. I get excited when things go really well and frustrated when the shit hits the fan.  But I've come to realize that that is what parenthood is all about. It's a crazy roller coaster. Enjoy the ride!